My name is Shema’u and this is my story.
I had the love of my life fully in my hands. Life for me was awesome and beautiful until he was taken from me. My dad’s very good friend, a known Mallam and Sheikh very popular on Sunna TV recommended another for me to my dad. And my dad, after trusting his best friend and getting assurances from his friend that the man recommended for me has good manners and very knowledgeable. The man in question was Ahmad and was a student of this popular sheikh. My father bought into the idea quickly and everything was finalised without me in the picture. I begged and begged for my love to not be taken away from me, I remember kneeling before dad and crying like d child I was to my dad. But dad had decided. My love also confronted my dad and equally begged and cried but “sam” my parents had made up their minds.
As the obedient girl I was, I took my parents advise very serious and important. Perhaps there is a blessing in it for me that I can’t see. I have always learnt that following parents advise is the best for anybody. I resigned my fate to what my father had decided for me. The love of my life became sick. He was hospitalized as a result of the news of my Marriage to this strange Ahmad.
I got married to ahmad against my will. I tried really hard to love him but I couldn’t. I honestly tried I performed my duties as a proper wife and had two beautiful kids with Ahmad but “sam” there was never any love.
Ahmad was nothing like a husband material. Let me just save his face if not he had plenty bad habits and I can’t mention all of them here. He is the type that will leave his family and never come back for good 4 months or more. Not a care in the world. I will be very patient and will not even report it to my parents.
Another thing that made life hell for me was his parents. They hated me from day one. They never even wanted him to marry me in the first place as they didn’t come for our wedding. It was his family friend that came as his Wali on our wedding day. Isn’t that a sign enough for my dad to see the hell I was going into? But no. Patience! I cautioned myself.
Anything he did for me and his parents get to know about it, They will call him and tell him “Allah ya isa” and curse him if he didn’t take it back. They took my first son away from me to my husbands parents and I barely ever see him. When I call to ask how he’s doing they complain that i am disturbing them too much. When I decided to not call in a long while they reported me to my husband that I don’t even care at all for my son. The son I always cry for and pray for. The times am allowed to go and see him my heart bleeds as he looks very skinny and underfed. In truth you would think he has a very complicated disease. I cry everytime I see him. Wallahi you have no idea how painful it is.
I held on to my younger son very strongly in case they decide to separate us again. My husband changed everyday. But from bad to worse. He became worse with every passing day. He will bring girls to my parlour and be gisting with them. While at it, he will order me around to bring them water and drinks. I will obey patiently as an obedient wife while deep inside I am burning and becoming a slave. To add to this he married another wife. A divorcee. I never had any problems with him marrying another wife but the fact that they won’t leave me alone. They both made life difficult for me even more. They will leave her house and come to mine cos we were staying in separate houses. They will eat together in my parlour especially when it was her turn to cook. They will snap selfies as they eat but I never opened my mouth to complain. One time I was sick and went to treat myself at home. She moved into my house and they both used all my kayan daki including both of them sleeping on my bed. They damaged a lot of things but never fixed anything they spoilt.
The house looked worse than a poultry farm. My kayan miya finished my cooking gas all exhausted my room looked like humans never lived there and my toilets you can’t even go in. And they slept on my matrimonial bed together all through. The taunts continued and lingered forever and became unbearable. I told mum about it but she pleaded like every other mum…to be patient.
If prayers were working then certainly it would work faster and more during Ramadan. I took advantage of it during Ramadan and prayed like I never had. Doing saukan Qurani like 4 times in Ramadan. It felt good and by Allah all the taunts stopped.
There was a time I was sick and I fell and slumped even twice and couldn’t cook. He won’t even buy food for me. He never knew what I was going through and he never cared. Tempers rose one time and I swore I had had enough. He kept provoking me and I kept swearing that I cannot tolerate his wife in my house again she has her house let her stay there since I never go to her house to bother them. The moment I see her in my house I am going to hit her with all the energy I could muster. I didnt care anymore. He said I am too jealous. I reminded him of all the things he did that could make me jealous but I didn’t show him. Of all the women he brought but I didn’t complain. I said my mind and all the hurt he has caused me. I didn’t know he was recording it to show my parents. I said plenty horrible things not about him but about his wife. I told him all I had gathered in my mind. He recorded every bit of it. He will speak a little and provoke me into talking. I kept talking and talking until he had had enough. He simply put calls through to my mum made her listen to all he recorded. And she warned him not to take this as any sign of rebellion but that I have been very patient with him so what if I rebelled once? He told dad. And dad was sick then with high BP. We limited telling bad news to him cause we knowm we can loose him anytime any bad or over exciting news comes in. He still called dad and made him listening to what he recorded. Dad told him
“I know my daughter is patient and better than this and I don’t want to hear the rest of your recording. But think it through clearly and make your decision. But I ask you. Think it through clearly before you decide.”
Before then, my parents and his parents had very nasty fights. And his dad promised to Tsine mishi if he didn’t divorce me. And so Ahmad decided to divorce me late in the night around 2am when I was asleep. Heard a loud knock on my door I opened and there he was. I let him in and closed the door and rushed to bed to continue my sleep. Then he said we needed to talk. He wanted me to sign something about our accounts but I knew better. So i refused. He wanted to have my signature on the divorce letter meaning I consented to the divorce. Next thing he handed me the letter and that he wanted me out of the house by 4am.
I woke up fully from sleep and read my letter. He was watching me closely. Thinking I would cry. I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction. I called mum and told her what had happened. I was strong and didnt cry while i told her. I thanked him earnestly and asked for more time to pack my belongings. He insisted on 4am in the morning. I thanked him some more. And said Allah ya saka maka da mafi Alkhairi. He was watching me very closely waiting for the tantrums to start. Thinking i will insult him and beg or cry. I took my youngest son. Bathed him. Had my bath and gathered my Quran and all other stuffs I could gather. I was ready before 4am. He noticed I was just on the bed playing with my son. I was thinking how the journey will be back home. He later changed his mind and said I would go after asuba prayers. I told him no I am ready to go now. Bit he insisted I wait. I agreed. He was still watching me closely.
Someone else was supposed to drive me to the car park for the 12 hours journey. But he later volunteered to take me himself. I boarded public transport he bade me farewell and I did same too. We were all smiling in the garage. He handed me 10 thousand naira and said this is for shamsu our son for the road. I told him “shamsu ya gode”. He couldn’t ofcos give me anything cause I seized to be his responsibility from that moment. The moment he left and we hit the road, I Bursted out crying. People in our car asked me what had happened I only told them I lost someone.
Indeed I did loose someone. In fact i lost everything. For i lost My first love. Then my first son. And now my marriage that i have been very patient n hoping that things will become OK…
I hope you have learned from my story especially parents. I need your prayers and I also need your advises… on how to move on with life.
Special thanks to Muhammad Sani Ciroma for compiling the story.
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Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.
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