… All that glitters is not gold..
Saturday 24th December 2016
I was married to Zubairu for less than a year and here is my story…
Where I met my husband is a story for another day.
I was young, vibrant, luscious, and beautiful and to cap it all, I have a killer body that can make any man go after me.
We started dating with my husband after we met through mutual friends. He lives outside Nigeria and his friends as well. They are much older than us; they own properties in the UK and US. Money was not a problem to them.
He spoilt me with lots of luxury that I couldn’t turn down his marriages proposal.
Am from an extended home, my step sister is married to a millionaire, I wanted to be her match and level the parity.
I turned on deaf ears to all the gossips of me getting married to an old man. (Oho na their palava)! I was in love; let them say all that they want.
The going was so good I never thought of any negativity or a rainy day.
Zubairu (as he’s been called by everyone) showered me with love, gifts, care and affection. He saw to each and every need of mine and that of my immediate family. He sponsored me, my mother, brother and sister to a trip to Saudi Arabia to perform the lesser hajj (Umrah), from there we proceeded to Egypt and Dubai for me to shop for my traditional “kayan lefe” and “Kayan daki”. The merrier, the better as it’s always said. We had a very good time during our tour and finally returned home.
Wedding bells started ringing for me and Zubairu. I wasn’t brave enough to inform most of my friends due to the way fate brought us together with Zubairu (I initially said it’s a story for another day). I informed my close friends that were not in the same town with me. They were very happy for me and accepted my notification and promised to acknowledge my invitation.
The initial date for us was changed due to little disappointments we faced from the shipping company we used to ship what we shopped for in Egypt and Dubai. We waited for a couple of weeks but still no good news about the shipment. A date was fixed immediately and our wedding commenced. It was such a great and beautiful day for me. It was marked with a huge Mother’s Day and a befitting dinner in a very popular Chinese restaurant. We had fun with my friends that were in attendance and that were all. Some of my friends had a dropped jaw when they saw my old husband but I didn’t care.
The wedding celebrations were over. Everyone went back to their respective homes but I was still in my father’s house. Zubairu claimed my supposed home wasn’t renovated to his taste, even though I was supposed to join him and his family at a later date after the wedding in the UK but he still didn’t want me to be taken to the house in that condition. I wasn’t disturbed as at then thinking it wouldn’t be longer than necessary.
I was still home after my wedding. Zubairu travelled to the US three days after our wedding. We were still in touch and he didn’t change one bit. He placed me on a handsome allowance even though I was still home. He took all my responsibilities and many more but our marriage was still not consummated months after our wedding. I wasn’t disturbed because we were still married, I could wait for as long as he would be back.
One, two, three months passed without seeing physically with Zubairu. I started worrying over the whole thing and my family as well. My mother said I should be taken to my home, perhaps it would make him want to come home to me.
I was sleeping one afternoon only for me to receive a call from a strange number, behold it was Zubairu’s voice with a Nigerian number. I was super elated. He was in kaduna at that moment. He asked me to board the next flight to Abuja and a driver was waiting for me in Abuja to take me down to him in kaduna. I couldn’t ask him when he came to Nigeria because one thing with relationships and marriages with older men, you don’t ask too much questions because you will never get good answers or even none at all. They keep seeing you like a child. I did exactly as he said even though it was very difficult to inform my parents of his directives, he’s my husband, he owned me, that’s where the bossing around emerged.
We spent a few days in a very nice hotel in kaduna and then proceeded to Abuja, then to Lagos and back in Abuja again. I felt so much of a bride even though it was not too homey. Zubairu went back to the states after two weeks of our meeting. He promised to complete my supposed home in a few weeks time. I was very happy. After his return, our communication started deteriorating surprisingly and I dared not question that only in a systematic way. Eventually, I found out he was transferred to the US from the UK since before our wedding through his friend. The trip he embarked on immediately after the wedding was to go and officially report in his new official post. He made arrangements for his wife and three kids to relocate to the US without my knowledge. I started asking when I’d join him but he usually shied away from the question. I started becoming super worried. There was no one I could freely confide in at that moment due to my confused state.
We started communicating with Zubairu once in many days or even fortnightly. The rift between us was just widening by the day. We were more of strangers. I didn’t know what to do, I had to speak up. I told my mother, she was speechless and told me she sensed all was not well with me and Zubairu. He was in Nigeria without my knowledge several times. He didn’t even care to call once and find out how I was doing. What if I was pregnant for him…? He didn’t even care, all means of communication to him were abortive, he then called me one morning again and told me to get ready, a driver is on his way to fetch me and take me to him. I was puzzled. I really wanted to see him and gather courage and bombard him with questions. We met and mated again in a hotel. I was eager to be in my own home. I was getting tired of all this arrangement. Havoc didn’t pour until he left; mating with him was like he was releasing poison in me.
I started having severe stomach pains and I wasn’t pregnant.
Hell didn’t finally break loose until Zubairu’s wife found out he got married without her knowledge or consent. She and her kids vowed to kill me if he took me to their home. His wife threatened him with a series of threats if he didn’t divorce me. His oldest son promised me death if he ever set eyes on me. After his friend told me all this thinking that Zubairu told me all that was happening to make me feel relieved but only for me to tell him I was hearing it for the first time in my life. To God who made me, I didn’t know his family was not aware of our marriage. I was shocked to my bone marrow. I didn’t know what to believe or do. Crying wouldn’t solve the problem, I had to face it. I called him several times and we were able to speak eventually.
He told me all I heard was true but he would know how to tackle the issue. Months passed without anything positive or promising. I updated my parents on everything I heard from his friend. I gathered courage and asked Zubairu to take a decision about us and he told me he would do just that. I started preparing my mind for the worst.
In this digital world, Zubairu mailed me a hand written divorce letter. How can we be married for less than a year? What do I do next? I took it in good fate. I completed my divorce probation period as provided the Islamic way. I gathered the pieces of my shattered heart and moved on. I went back to school and completed my then course that I initially put to a holt. I completed my degree and topped it with a master’s degree but am tired of trying relationships anymore. It’s almost a decade now that my marriage ended but I still feel the pains inflicted in me by Zubairu.
My fellow ladies, my advice to you is to always be patient and allow nature take its cause. Never rush anything in life or try to compete beyond your level. Men will always be men and we ladies in most cases are at the receiving end and never forget that all that glitters is not gold. Do take care of you and your loved ones. Remain blessed.
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