Why are we suffering in what we are suppose to have peace of mind?
Why is it in every 10 marriages 6-7 out of them are not happy with the marriage? They just manage to stay in the marriage for other reasons,like children, fear of stigma, as well as fear of the unknown?
I think we need to work things out its true that marriages will always have a frictions here and there (we are human beings) and there is no such thing as perfect marriage that’s very true.
But despite that we must try to save the situations or rather suppress the frictions. How?
We need to be sincere to ourselves,what is the purpose of our getting married to that person?
Is that purpose a reasonable one?
Do I love that person that much to the extend that I can be with him or her till eternity?
Am I ready to accept and overcome any situation?.
If then our answers are in the affirmative (60-70% of people married with such convictions) but on the long run we got lost.
We find fault in so many things,we don’t tolerate some adjustments,we expect things to be the way they were during courtship,or she we are newly married (For were)Have a rethink.
Another thing is management of the frictions, the truth is no matter how educated we may be,how rich ,how beautiful, we must adhere to that traditional principles “Qarfe daya baya amsa amo” (it takes two to tango)and “when one is fire one should be water”.
Only then do we strike a balance, nothing happens for no reason,we must be sincere or be unbiased, if we are wrong we must admit and apologise for our misdeeds.And then avoid further occurrence.
Another one is feministic approach or masculinity approach.
Women are nowadays brain washed by the fact that ” they are equal to men,and that they are not slaves,they can’t subject themselves to been taken as inferiors, while in the real sense,women would never be equal to men,howsoever hard we try, both religiously, morally and traditionally (we cannot deviate from all that since we are not product of secular ideologies)
And the men think the only way they can exercise their prowess is only when they belittle woman,regards her only as a housemaid,sex machine or a baby producing factory, no no my guys is not done like, that women are your companions, they are a part of you,you can’t do without.So why disregard part of your body?your supposedly, comfort zone,the apple of your eyes, have a rethink.
Remember that there is no institution that’s of importance than marriage. Sanity and sanctity in it begets sanity in the hearts and minds,and there the love blossom and then a healthy Umma is then born.
Lastly, I know marriage is not easy and there is no one size fit all solution to marital problems. What is food to another will be poison to another.
Find your bearing,identify your frictions points(wallahi we know what turns on and off our partners we just tend to ignore, because we want to equate a wrong done to us) suppress or avoid them.
Show Love and love to your spouses because love has a mysterious effect.Forgets about his or her nonchalant attitude.
Rekindle old moments,ignore and forgive wrongs,do not bear grudge.Do not pay back a pain with pain, two wrongs never make a right.
We are doing everything, to seek God’s pleasure to seek Jannah.
Do it even extra anything for Jannah.
Unless such positions are physically or emotionally untenable that’s when we must retreat and even at that we must seek counsel.
Be Patience, be humble,be sincere, be selfless,be an example, be a comfort,be that love,be that which brings tranquility and Peace. Be all it takes to be good.