My name is Sadiya Imam and I would like to share my story with you;
This is a brief but true tell of my 3 marriages within 18-28 years of age.
I pray and hope it will serve as a lesson to girls and women who are like me.
My first marriage was in 2008, and it was all any other lady can pray for as it was rich with love and fun between us, Ibrahim was the father of my two children (a boy and a girl).
My husband has four brothers and seven sisters, our problems started three years into our marriage, and it was all my fault, guilty as charged, I gossip a lot, I carry rumors and add more sauces to every story and share across the neighborhood, I love gossiping (gulma), when ever I don’t have a story to share, I’ll create a fiction and share.
I shared every little details of stories from my husband’s family to my sisters and friends and I also tell my husband almost all the happenings in my family. The good thing is that my husband doesn’t disclose what I told him to anyone.
The people I trust the most put me in trouble because whenever I disclosed a secret from my husband’s family find it’s way and get back to me and that was the genesis of my problems with my first husband and his family.
It got to a time when almost all his family do not involve me in anything they do because I always carries the story around, and it gets back to them. I witnessed a lot of cold and silent treatments from them, and I always blame them for the cold and silent treatments and even abuse them in his presence which he will just dismissed with a frown and won’t answer which I detest.
I keep informing my own family about the treatments I received from my in-laws which added to the flame, to the extent that they don’t attend each others functions, unknown to my family that am the cause of everything but they’re always in my support.
His parents are very supportive and I must commend them, they tried everything possible to calm the tension even without me appreciating their efforts but I still continued with my habit. One thing is certain, I respect my in-laws very well because they don’t discriminate between us.
Fast-forward, six years into our marriage, his dad asked him to divorce me since I can’t desist from my habit. He divorced me and he cried a lot (ko a jiki na). I didn’t for once regret my actions and my family were like its better this way since I kept them in the dark of all that happened.
I took advantaged of the love my husband has for me and never apologizes for once in these six years, am always right even when I know am not but he will apologize just for peace to reign. He is very patient.
My Second Marriage with Alhaji Yusuf Zanna
My second husband couldn’t at all tolerate what my first husband tolerated from me because I continued with my habits and he didn’t wasted any time in sending me packing one year after. It was then my family learnt that I was the caused of all the problems in my first marriage.
My family withdraw their support and let me deal with my problems and that’s how I slowly began to appreciate life and start learning from my mistakes but all habits die hard.
My Third Marriage
My third marriage is now 6 months old and in shaa Allah I’ve turned a new leaf and I need your prayers for a peaceful marriage.
My family have told me to look for another home once I break this last one.
My reason for this write up is to caution sisters taking the path I took during my 1st and 2nd marriages (ba hanya bace mai bullewa), which are
* I always want firsthand information on any issue and would always want to be the first to break it.
* I don’t apologize for my actions towards my husband and in-laws.
* I always have this mentality of not liking anyone that have things which are better than mine.
* I always have the mind to talk my way out of issues which I created.
* I’m short tempered which I’m praying hard to overcome it whenever I feel it rising.
* I don’t regard his siblings because I’m always in competition with them over him and what he does for them and not that he disregards me over them
* I learned the hard way that am stingy and that’s why my husband’s siblings don’t visit my house because I don’t allow them access to my fridge to get common water, only when he is around, I only give them left overs from visitors or the ones we couldn’t finish, unknowingly for me they inform them at home. At times I don’t serve water to my in-laws when they come thinking its just normal and that there’s no hard feeling after all they are not visitors.
* I later stopped asking to go to his house only when he asks me to go with him which at times I try to bring excuses not to go.
(All these were during my first and second marriages)
These are issues of the past now for me with prayers and determination.
So sisters, if u happen to possess any of these bad habits, please (don Allah don son Annabi) try and see reason to stop.
Apart from disturbing your inner peace, creating problems with loved ones and friends there’s one last and final disadvantage which is punishment in the hereafter (Allah Ya kare mu).
Thanks for reading and please do include me in your prayers.
A friend with firsthand experience who wishes you good in your matrimonial home.