MY NAME IS FIDDAUSI MUSA. I AM 28 YEARS OLD. I WAS MARRIED TO MUSA SULEIMAN FOR 3 YEARS. I AM FROM KADUNA STATE. I AM A MICROBIOLOGIST AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE MY DIVORCE DIARIES WITH YOU.
My husband Musa was already married when I met him. He had been married for 16 years to his first wife and they had 4 kids (2 boys and 2 girls). I was just 19 years old then and he had just turned 50. At first I laughed off his advances because I did not imagine ever being married to someone that much older. Honestly I just wanted to chop his money and run like most of my mates were wont to do. I had someone else that I loved… I had a chewing gum boyfriend called Nasir (Nas-King) and I loved him dearly even though I knew the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. You know that kind of love that has a hold on you and you can’t let go even though you know it will not lead you anywhere worthwhile.
Alhaji Musa spared no expense in wooing me, and me I gladly took his money and shared with Nas-King. Because Alhaji was very generous I couldn’t drive him away, I tolerated his potbelly, old school mannerisms and yellow teeth and chopped his money. I never thought I would be married to someone like him.
Until Alhaji Musa started visiting my parents with expensive gifts and foodstuff… he started to make insinuations and drop hints that we should get married as soon as possible. Deep in my mind I knew he was a joker, I would never marry him. Or so I thought….
Suddenly my parents decided that I had to get married, since a good suitor had approached me, they wanted me to marry him as soon as possible. According to my mother, if you find a good man, don’t worry about the details, just marry him and iron out the details later. I wasn’t particularly excited about marrying a polygamous man with kids. My mother insisted to the point of blackmailing me to marry Alhaji. She said he was a good man and he had proven he could take care of me.
I was torn. I loved Nasir too much. And even though I knew Nasir would not marry me, I could not imagine a future without him. The worst part was that Nasir had deflowered me. Marrying Alhaji would mean that my secret would be out and my family would be disgraced. I did not want to disgrace my family by marrying Alhaji who would find out that I was not a virgin. After dragging with my parents, I was given a choice, to either marry Alhaji or present my preferred suitor.
I was in a tight corner. The only way to save my family from disgrace was for Nasir to shape up and marry me. My plan was to pressure him into accepting me as his wife since he was the one who had damaged my honor. Deep down I knew it wouldn’t work but I went for it anyway. Nasir refused to talk about marriage, saying the issue was too serious for him to handle. When I pressed further, Nas-king threatened to dump me. After about 2 weeks he started to completely ignore me, even on campus! I was devastated to say the least. Since Nasir refused to do right by me, my only option was to agree and marry Alhaji and pretend to be untouched.
As I struggled with this dilemma, my friend Hassana told me of a mai gyaran jiki (traditional spa specialist) who was an expert in making deflowered girls ready for the wedding night. In other words she was excellent at making you a virgin again. I decided to give it a try and see. On a Saturday evening Hassana and I went to see Hajja Mayram the virginity restorer. She examined me and told me that it would cost twenty thousand naira to restore my virginity. I told her I would return as soon as I had the money. Now that I was assured of becoming a virgin again, I decided to go on and accept Alhaji as my saviour and suitor. At least he would give me enough money for me to pay for the restoration.
Just as I thought Alhaji gave me fifty thousand naira that night as a token of his appreciation that I accepted him. He promised to send his people in 2 weeks to formalize our union. I felt bad really but what could I do? I had become a scammer, a liar and soon to be deceiver all because of love.
I went back to Hajja Mayram, paid the 20 k and the treatment commenced. There were herbs that one had to smoke with turaren wuta, other herbs one had to drink with honey and milk. It was rigorous and gruelling but Hajja Mayram promised that I would be as good as new by the time she was through. She was right. By the end of 5 days I could swear I even felt ‘tighter’.
I got married to Alhaji 3 months after my treatment. I was very sad that Nasir was not the one I married.
Thankfully, Alhaji did not notice anything and I was saved from ridicule and embarrassment was heartbroken but I had to pretend I was happy. Life as Alhaji’s second wife was full of drama. His first wife hated me, his children were disrespectful to me and I was not a satisfied wife. Alhaji rotated his time into 2 nights with each wife, my co wife always made trouble on my night. So that anytime he was spending the night with me, either I or him would be in a bad/ fighting mood. I was well taken care of financially but emotionally I was starving. I found myself thinking about Nasir a lot. Everything my husband did or said, I would compare to Nasir. Even in bed, I would imagine it was Nasir, every gesture and every touch would remind me of him.
After about a year of being miserable I had accepted my fate: That I would never be fulfilled in my marriage. My co wife still hated me and Alhaji could still not meet my emotional and physical needs. I spent a lot of time on social media and I became a shell at home. One day Nasir messaged me on Facebook! Just out of the blue, Nasir sent me a message. I was overjoyed. Before I knew it I was chatting with Nasir the entire day. We arranged to meet, for lunch at a restaurant. I was so excited. And when I finally laid eyes on him I knew my days of loneliness and misery were history. Nasir and I kept having lunch and communicating all the time. Before long we were sneaking in and out of hotels, spending weekends together. I would lie to my husband that I was going on a field trip from school and fly to Lagos, and spend the weekend with my Nasir at Eko Hotel. Those getaways were never enough. I wanted more and the devil obliged me. Wallahi sometimes I even forgot I was a married woman. Nasir gave me the attention that I was lacking. He made me feel precious and beautiful. He was my King. The ruler of my heart.
Why is life so unfair?
This went on for about 2 years and my husband did not notice anything, neither did he suspect anything. Can you imagine how absent minded our men are? It was obvious to everyone except my husband that I was in love, I was glowing, I was happier than usual. Alhaji was NOT paying attention at all. This man did not notice. For 2 years Nasir and I lived in our fantasy world, where it was just the two of us, he completed me and I cursed myself for obeying my parents. I feared the day the fantasy would end. So I decided to do something about it. I came up with a plan to leave Alhaji and marry Nasir. I told Nasir about my plan and he seemed excited. He told me he would think about it.
A couple of months later, on one of our getaways, Nasir told me he had thought about us. He wanted a future with me. Music to my ears! He said he was tired of all the sneaking around. He wanted us to work on a plan.
‘Let’s finish that old fool, let us just kill him. But we should get as much money as we can from him… it is what he owes me for stealing my baby away’
“Haba Nasir, Kill fa!! No please. I don’t want any killing.”
“It is the only way”
“I can always ask him for a divorce, please my king, and trust me to get a divorce”
Nasir really scared me with his suggestion. I was an adulteress and a liar but I was no MURDERER. No way! His poor kids! NO way.
I focused on stealing as much money from Alhaji as I could. Alhaji kept huge sums of money in his bedroom safe, he had money all over the house. It was easy work. This also he did not notice. The plan was that I would steal and extort as much money as possible for the next one year from Alhaji. This money would be remitted to Nasir who was keeping it in preparation for our new life together. I diligently stole and demanded money from Alhaji who still did not suspect anything. Sometimes I wanted to scream because of his lack of attention. He had lost me to another man and he didn’t even know it.
After about a year, Nasir told me we had accumulated 16 million Naira from the proceeds of my theft. To my surprise, he said we needed more money. I said I couldn’t possibly continue, I did not want to push my luck. Nasir and I argued for the first time since our reunion. It was a bitter fight that I still regret to this day. I wish it never happened wallahi….
Unbeknownst to me, all this time, Nasir had kept pictures and videos of our rendezvous… Nasir is truly heartless. He sent these pictures to my husband and even my co wife… Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi Rajiun. He made sure that his face was blurred in all the pictures. I had no choice but to confess to Alhaji, who was boiling with rage.
It was such a terrible thing Nasir did. Just because of money, my love did not matter to him. I tried frantically to reach him but all his numbers were switched off.
My husband disgraced me publicly, throwing my things out on the street. He stood in the middle of street and called me unprintable names. He caused a major scene and invited the youths in our area to manhandle me because I was an unfaithful wife.My co wife gloated when I was stripped naked by the youth in our area. It was the worst day of my life. As if this wasn’t enough, Alhaji took the pictures to my parents, and explained to them why he was divorcing me. My mother was heartbroken. She still hates me I know.
Before long, the story spread like wildfire. All over town people were talking about me. I tried to reach Nasir but till this day I do not know where he is. He has simply disappeared…
My parents were so humiliated that my father stopped going to the mosque. I was asked to leave home. No one stood by me. Not a single soul. Thank God I went to school. I am now in Abuja and I have a nice job at the National Hospital. No one knows about my story here. People respect me here.
The most important lesson I have learnt is that one must be careful. Ladies, do not get carried away by love. Use your head not your heart please. I also want to use this opportunity to appeal to our men, stop treating your wives like furniture. Women need love, affection and attention. Be there for your woman, you have no idea the temptations she is facing out there.
I hope to reconcile with my parents someday. Until then I will continue to carry on with my life. Thank you for reading my story.
All thanks to Jaruma Magazine for allowing Us to share this beautiful and educative episode
Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.
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